the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
