we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
