I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
