Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
