This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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