1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
