I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
