god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize