i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize