who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
