After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
