Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
