Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The struggles of a small town man whore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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