im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think my vagina is haunted
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
