Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
