The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
