Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
