at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
