i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My vagina just recognized that song.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
