I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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