Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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