she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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