So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize