and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
