i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
