ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
