Even my vagina gasped.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
