I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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