Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
