Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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