I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
