Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i've created a new STD.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
