You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
