its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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