My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
