Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
