question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
