last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
