i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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