This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
