there's paper in my vomit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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