Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
