Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it's like iHOP with fire
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
