Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
