what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
