Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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