When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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