You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
