He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think your dad took our porno
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They have beer where we have blood.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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