why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
