dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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