Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
