I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
