so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
