i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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