Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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