The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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