Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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