You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
