listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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