u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
