The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
