During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just had sex bonerless
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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