i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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