Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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