I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
