I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
