I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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