I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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