how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
