im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
