Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize