shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
