I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Help. Why am I so naked?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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