Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
